Are you feeling it? Having more fulfilling sex

Have you ever wondered afterwards why you’ve gone through with the sex you just had? Of course, we can all get caught up in it. Sex should be fun and enjoyable for you – not something you do to please someone else.

Too often we have to convince ourselves that everything is OK when we kind of know it isn’t. That little voice in your head trying to justify what happened, when you know that if you felt good about what happened you wouldn’t have to justify anything.

Bad sex is bad for your mental wellbeing

These experiences can really start to affect you and your mental health. You may start blaming yourself for what has happened, or think unsatisfying sex is all you deserve, that no-one really wants to have sex with you anyway so you should just accept anything that is being offered.  You may feel dirty and ashamed you’ve gone along with things that on reflection you didn’t want to do.

But rather than blaming yourself or feeling bad for not stopping it in the moment, it’s more helpful to think about what you can learn from the experience. What has it taught you about your body, the type of sex you want (or don’t want) and how you could treat the situation differently next time?

You can stop at any time

You are allowed to change your mind about the sex you are having, even during sex, and stop it entirely if that’s what you want to happen. Simple statements like ‘I’ve changed my mind’ or ‘I want to stop now’ may feel difficult to say but are clear messages that are easily understood. You don’t need to explain yourself or explain why, a simple statement like this is enough.

You can also take a break or switch to a different sexual activity to help you work out if you want to continue and, if so, in what way.

Just like you’d want to know that your partner is having fun, they do too, so telling your partner what you like or are enjoying will make sex more fun and consensual.

What you do in your sex life is your choice, including how often and if you want to have sex at all. You are allowed to say no.

It’s your life, your sex life and your choice.

If you like to talk more with someone or get support for yourself, you can call THT Direct on 0808 802 1221 or email info@tht.org.uk and they can talk things through with you and direct you to further support.

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